Why the fuck are people always putting down the popping out effects in 3D movies. That shit is so pompous to me. Just using the layered effect of turning your tv into a view port into a scene is a godawful waste of the tech. Although its nice and kind of brings you closer to the scene on a more subconscious level, it ain’t 7 extra dollars at the theaters nice, it ain’t 10 to 20 dollars extra when buying a movie nice, and sure as hell isn’t worth extra money on a tv. IF I WATCHING A 3D MOVIE AND SHIT IS NOT FLYING AT MY FACE SOMETHING IS WRONG.

The difference is Avatar vs Prometheus. Both visually beautiful and grand and great for the theaters, except one is totally skippable in 3D and the other is Avatar.In Prometheus the 3D is there and you can tell its there but it’s just sitting there…doing absofuckinglutely nothing. Don’t Get me wrong Prometheus is beautiful but adding additional layers of depth into the screen didn’t do much to make it more beautiful. 

but Avatar

JESUS H CHRIST.

Seeing Avatar in IMAX3D is like when you go to those rides at Disney or Universal where it looks like your in a movie theater or something and then OMG ITS NOT A MOVIE THEATER AT ALL IS A FUCKING SLOW MOVING RIDE THATS GOING TO TAKE YOU INTO THE WORLD OF FUCKING DINOSAURS WITH ANIMATRONICS and BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY(>_> Don’t act like you dont know what ride im talking about) It’s the fucking greatest. It feels like you are in the fucking forest. You know why? Cause there is shit flying at your face constantly in that movie, you don’t even realize how much shit is in your face when you watch that movie. In the forest there’s always some fucking pollen in your face, shit was so real i started breaking out. You in the army base every fucking tv screen is popping out in your face. Every explosion in that movie was conviently placed so that every piece of shrapnel is heading directly for you. 

The depth into the screen is nice but its fucking meaningless alone. It doesn’t make you feel like you are any more apart of the scene than 2D does. It makes whats beyond the veil of the screen seem more real but it doesn’t take you there. You need shit flying at your face. When you have that depth into the screen business going and then suddenly shit is flying at you for a brief moment you are there in the thick of it.

The depth into the screen makes you all, “man its like if the screen wasn’t there i could like peer into the scene and look at stuff” AND THEN SUDDENLY SHIT FLYING OUT THE SCREEN IS ALL LIKE “WHAT SCREEN BITCH?! THIS SHIT IS REAL. YOU IN A FOREST FUCKER” 

You still don’t believe go and watch Hugo in 3D its like the 2nd best 3d movie ever( I would argue better than avatar because avatar loses its epicness on smaller screens where as Hugo doesn’t . Its about some kid helping this old man remember how much he loves movies, and for some reason there is a wind up robot that doesn’t do shit the entire movie but they learn some shit about friendship and love because of it. Anyway they do everything right. That movie as a constant veil of ambient shit popping in your face while also maintaining that view into the scene. You are fucking in the crazy choo choo train station with the hobo kid and his fucking steampunk robot.

Plus Hugo is one of the only fucking live action 3D movies with an unquestionably good story. You aren’t going walk out the movies trying to figure out why Cameron needed 10 years in order to copy the plot of ferngully or trying to figure out why the fuck you let Ridley Scott trick you into seeing a movie just by saying it might have something to do with the Alien franchise.

Now that the Stress off Airplane Dash’s beta is over. We rocked out with a 91% I can finally be excited for other things happening soon like….

IN 3D! YES YES YES! When those words kick me in the chest on the big screen at then end of The Circle of Life with the big loud epic THUMP I might tear up and cry with happiness.

You know how Disney has a habit of taking a Classic story and nurdering it so all the violence sex and sadness in the story is removed and replaced with fun musical numbers?

Of Course you do.

Well The Lion King is one of the few things that is arguably just as good if not better than it’s source material. It’s Hamlet with out all the boring/suicidal bits. CoughcoughOpheliaCoughCough

Ok So maybe it’s not better than Hamlet, but I think Shakespeare himself would be blown away and literally and figuratively loose his shit if he saw this movie, assuming he could get over the fact the entire thing is done with talking animals(also not including the shit he would lose over discover that we have motion picture and recorded sound).

If I could I would see this movie everyday It was out in theaters. I am also sooo envious of the young kids who have never seen The Lion King before and get to have their first experience with it ON THE BIG SCREEN……IN 3’s D’s~ I know for a fact like 20 30 years from now their will be at least 12 really baddass animators who will attribute seeing The Lion King in 3D at the age of like 5 to their success. I am also of jealous of those kids parents. The ones who get to feel like the best parents ever because they took their kid to see The Lion King

Total screen time of giant robots fighting each other is a probably around 5 minutes long. In a movie that is 155 minutes long that is a little more than 3%. Now see the bold “each other”, the amount of time robots are on screen doing crap is a lot longer than 5 minutes but that time isn’t spent fighting each other it’s spent demolishing buildings and fighting humans. Now I’m not counting one of the better action scenes in the film in this where…

DON’T WORRY! You can read this if your worried about plot spoilers…for some silly reason.

the Decepticons are chasing the Autobots on a highway because although this scene does technically have robots fighting each other the more accurate description of the scene is robots shooting at cars.

Remember those lovable character’s from the 1st one? The sarcastic but hopeful  Sam trying to make his way in the world a modern nerd. The hot grease monkey that a nerdy kid could never get with, that has a secret past….uh what was her name…fuck it we’ll call her Megan Fox.

Her name could have been something silly like Mikaela Banes for all most of us cared

His loving concerned but laughably out of the loop parents. The hot computer chick, her funny black friend, the Secretary of Defense, the leader of a government sector so secret that the government forgot about it, and a 48 Hour’s type army duo. 

EBONY IVORY

Oh the fun we had back in the original Transformers what a zany bunch you were. So many little stories connected by these aliens. Don’t care for lost aliens trying to find a home and defend themselves against their mortal enemies, how about a boy meets girl romance with a sprinkle of a buddy relationship with a car, or some government intelligence trying to uncover the secrets of an extraterrestrial signal, how about some army men caught up in shit waaaay over their heads?

Original Transformers threw a bunch of different character’s and angles to the story and never stayed with any one long enough for you to get bored but mixed all the stories in well enough for everything to converge and come together. 

Transformers 3 takes full focus on Sam….

We watch Sam go through a bunch of boring things, we see that his parents are still the sarcastic pushy and vulgar characters they turned into in the second film and we get many unnecessary scenes with that Asian guy everyone hates on Community

Oh hohohohohohoho he must be reading a Transformers 3 Review

If you must see this movie then you must see this movie now. I encourage you to go see it now because once it’s out theaters in 3D it will have lost like 50% of it’s appeal. That movie was crisp. I saw Green Lantern in 3D a couple days later and sure it was a better movie in my opinion but it wasn’t damn near as good looking

Unless of course you count Ryan Reynolds which I don’t because I am not into mounds of man flesh…..

God I fucking hate that dude.

I wish Megan Fox could have stuck around with the new chick so they could fight over Sam because a cat fight between this…

and this….

seems like a missed opportunity

Apparently The new Star Fox 3D’s controls will make use of the gyroscope to allow you to tilt it to move the arwing left and right and up and down…….Really Nintendo?

Them might as well just call it Star Fox 2D because very few people who value their stomach not feeling queasy will be trying to tilt the console with the 3D on.

Plus wouldn’t it just make more sense to use the stylus and touch screen? Hold the stylus in your left hand move the arwing by having the stylus in a certain part of the screen, shoot with a, barrel roll with R, bombs with b, flipping upside down with Y and breaking with X?

Also Nintendo is dropping their new 3DS update that gives you 3DS these new features…….oh wait I’m lying it doesn’t give it any new features only old features they they just never got around to implementing. I bet Nintendo is pouring money into finding out why the 3DS isn’t selling well right now. I bet they are hiring consultants to do some focus group testing that will eventually have inconclusive results. Here’s by theory the 3DS launched without all it’s features and a weak software library so everyone decided they would just stick to playing on their droids and iPhones. Looks like Nintendo screwed the pooch again(I love the phrase because old people use it without realizing what the phrase is saying literally)

Some people who read this might go “but Geooorge they are also giving us Excitebike in 3D for free. That is new right?”, to those people I would turn on my 3DS go to the mp3 player and switch to the excitebike visualizer and tell you that 50% of the assets for that game are already on your 3DS(not that I really mind excite bike is pretty awesome I am going to so much sleep not being able to stop playing excitebike).

This update will also make the 3DS Shop Channel available and will probably be the part where Nintendo reveals that the only way to get your purchases from the DSi shop channel is to have your DSi and Nintendo flips the big fuck you finger to those of us who sold our DSi’s to get a 3DS and tells us we are Shit out of Luck.

Capcom is trying that “if we don’t see enough support from the fans of video game series Y then game X in the Y series of games will never be made” This time Y = Megaman Legends and X = Megaman Legends 3 which will have a demo in the 3DS Shop Channel once It comes out late next month.

Also Nintendogs + Cats was the 1st game on the 3DS to reach a million units sold so there goes all hope of the 3DS being a hardcore gaming console….assuming u had any hopes for that, they should be utterly crushed  now.

My army of Mii souls has reached the 50s and I think that nintendo needs to make a new street pass game that is a strategy RPG like fire emblem where u use ur Miis as fighters.

KKTHANXBYE

The entire beginning is me being giddy as fuck over a new toy. Its fun to read if you’re into me being a tard…which I for one am. Although If you make the jump past the picture of the AR Card It gets to poorly written more thought out opinions on things if you’re into that. If you’re into both or just plan into me(oh admit it You Are) then you are in luck, because….

This shit is sexy.

The 3Dness is waaay better than i remember it at GDC. Its soooo unnecessary but so damn pretty you dont give a shit. I’m just kinda staring at the boxes spin around in 3DS!(note that was suppose to be the plural of 3D and not the name of the console). I have no games yet cause the only launch title i gave a shit about was a port of Super Street Fighter 4 that is like 10 dollars more expensive than when super 1st came out on 360 and ps3….SO FUCK THAT.

IMA TRYIN TAKE PICTURES NAOW! OH SHIT THE MENU REACTS TO SOUND! when u get a 3DS and u get to the main menu for the 1st time….just yell at your 3DS see what it does to you! IT MAKES YOU SICK IN 3D! kay so picture tyme!

New drinking game…Take 3 shots of something put 3DS ON MAX 3D SIT IN SPINY CHAIR. SPIN SLOWLY AND WATCH 3DS SCREEN 1st one throwing up wins….wait i mean loses.

Took pictures of bike and fridge and box pile…bike looks pretty kool and one of the box pile ones looks cool but seems like the 3D for pictures is situational.

OH HEY! While viewing your first 3D picture you should mess with the Analog stick….IT WILL MAKE YOU SICK….AND CROSS EYED. It has a feature to change how spread apart the 3D Image is. ONLY THOSE CRAFTY FUCKERS DONT TELL YOU ABOUT IT. Its a quick jarring switch back to 3D to move the two images further apart and then a quick jarring switch 2 SUPER OBNOXIOUS 3D. That if you are unprepared for will make u queasy.

3DS does not detect my face….and when it does the affects of allergies are applied….THE BASTARDS! My eyes were so small….my face was fucked up….DAMN YOU 3DS FOR MAKING MY ALLERGIES MORE APPARENT TO ME, DAMN YOU!

Well fuck…looks like i cant play and of the fucking Mii games till i find people with 3DSs. I really wanted to play Find Me. You play the role of a pretentious douchebag kind who get captured by ghosts presumably because your a pretentious douchebag. It looks like you hire other pretentious douchebag kings to do rpgy stuff to save you.

On to face raiders which plays the single most horrifing sound ive ever heard in a video game when it starts up. It scares me to think that one day someone i may live with may own a 3DS and they might start that game up while im sleeping….IT WILL SCARE ME SHITLESS. The guy who says “Resident Evil” when ever u start a new game in “Resident Evil” has nothing on the horrible souless robot that cries Face Raiders.

WTF! YOU HAVEN’T LIVED TILL YOU’VE PLAYED FACE RAIDER. THAT GAME IS AMAZING! AND YOU HAVEN’T PLAYED FACE RAIDER TILL YOU’VE PLAYED IT FROM A WHEELY CHAIR! ALTHEA’S FACE BROKE THE TIME SPACE CONTINUM AND STARTED HEADBUTTING ME! THEN JORDAN’S FACE STARTED DOING IT TOO. THEN THE BOTH TEAMED UP ON ME AND STARTED SPITTING AT ME! It’s like the 3DS knows they are a couple….and they secretly hate me  behind my back! You So Crafty 3DS.

I Have no 3DS games other than Face Raiders…AND IM OK WITH THAT! I’ll will be a head hunter hunting the faces of my friends. AR Games and like Face Raider should be the standard of 3DS games….They take the infectiousness of social gaming and the ability to essentially capture your friends then places it in a fun game. I can’t wait to STEAL ON MY FRIENDS FACES AND BLAST AWAY AT THEM! PEW PEW BANG BANG!

now for the dreaded backwards compatablity…..

I want you to know the backwards compatibility thing…is blown waaaaaay out of proportion. Get it…cause everyone is complaining that nintendo trying to “blow up” the DS games to fit the 3DS makes 3DS games look bad….fuck it forget it. it wasnt that funny.

Yes there is a differnce…it does look a little blurry, but it will only really bother you if…….

….you are a little bitch

Are you…

a little bitch?

of course im testing this with pokemon white so maybe it doesnt look as bad as the rest

hell although the lower screen is a bit blurry the brighter clearer sexier screen display make up for it.

Its nothing to worry about.

Kay time for the last 3DS test

Acekard2i in……

OMFG FATAL ERROR PLEASE HOLD DOWN POWER BUTTON TO RESTART CONTACT NINTENDO FOR FURTHER ASSISTANCE

restart…

3DS fine….cools

well looks like everything is good so far….except the lack of piracy…

ER UM WHAT I MEAN IS…

Amateur Development Tools!

I leave you with this picture of a giant AR CARD….NAOW MY BLOG IS 3DS FUN ENABLED!

Note: unless you do some funky stuff with you screens refresh this will not work

Also in closing 3DS is the bomb diggidy. I am really waitting. The AR Cards are kind of cool but i think the strict distance you seem to have to be away from them will prevent them from being fun…Although i would totally buy games that are more of a traditional card games that use the 3DS for added fun. But AR games that just use the camera with out the cards seem like they will be king. I am patiently a waiting a horror game that uses a Face Raider type concept to scare the shit out of me.

Street Pass seems like a cool feature, being as I am already Hellbent on talking pictures of all my friends so i can blast them away in face raider, Face Raider doesn’t even use that feature! I imagine though that if Nintendo uses similar tactics in their future releases to really encourage you to get lots of different people in your games then people, myself included will really love it. You gotta catch em all FACE RAIDER! Just make a pokemon knock off where you collect and trade peoples faces in order to make the do battle. You get to rase the faces from cute little faces to big kick ass face fighting machines!

Oh right…the 3D. I think that the 3D will really shine when people couple it with AR games to make things feel like they are popping out your living room, or the train your on….Actually I cant wait to go back to NYC to play face face raider on the train. I’ll discreetly take pictures of people on the train and just BLAST EM. I’ll look like an idiot but it’ll be so much fun. In more normal games i dont see the 3D adding much. Lucky its not all it has going for it.

Although the console is called 3DS I really feel like that isn’t really what the console is about. I feel like the real power comes from the cameras and the connectivity they are aiming for with street pass. If Nintendo can run out the gate showing devs that their console is where it’s at and that there are large profits to be made by developing on games on their system that use Street Pass and use the cameras, and use the gyroscopes it can be a very very fun console run.

I patiently await the Sales figures for the 3DS’ launch day which i am sure is already high and the day as only 4 hours old. Also I wanna see what Nintendo has waiting for us at E3 sexy stuff i hope. Star Fox 3D, Crazy new 3D Super Mario, New AR Pikmin(i am betting on this since they have been hush hush about pikmin for like 3 years), Obligatory Zelda game that people will pretend is fun, Probably some crapy Metroid game, Honestly i am more interested in what they are bringing to the casual market. They seem to be fine tuning their ability to make casualcore games.

Casualcore, you heard it here 1st folks. When gaming genres gets as convoluted as music I want it to known That i was the 1st to use Casualcore to describe a game that has the simplicity low entry level enjoyed by casual players  and the depth and extensiveness enjoyed by core gamers.

Casualcore I even added it to my web browser’s dictionary.

Speaking of web browser I wonder if the 3DS web browser will also be in 3Ds